Bring Back Being Yourself

The horrors of being liked and having a well-rounded yet unfinished view of literally everything that this godforsaken community and world has to throw at you.

I can’t help but feel that sometimes we all go so far left that we come full circle. To be clear – this is not a political post, I am about to talk about something far shallower.

People are currently being outcast and villainised for maybe getting it wrong the first time round or having a differing opinion on something than you do. Or maybe you dislike someone that another person holds very dear. I am exhausted by the expectation that we all must be on the same page about everything. It’s unrealistic, draining, unsustainable and boring. As I am growing older, I am realising that getting along with others is more about understanding and communication than it is exile and rejection.

It is important to recognise that we all kind of have no idea what the hell we are doing, but if we are all trying our best, having space to learn, grow and forgive is vital. We all must learn to live with regret and mistakes, the trick is not letting it consume you. I’m still working this case – as we all are. There is also the fact that being so reactive to absolutely everything is truly damaging to your fragile little body. We can’t get worked up about the minor details. Accountability is important, but so is space to improve.

Obviously, there are some exceptions that go without saying, for example – yes, that evil man will pay.

A dingy pub beer garden is but a vessel for relaxation, self-expression and freedom. You find yourself yarning with old fogies whose views wildly differ from yours, but there is still peace. There is still fun. That’s the key to it all. I feel that people are no longer going on a night out to enjoy their friendships and have a fun and silly time, but are instead going out to say that they were there, at that place where all the other cool people are, to take some photos to put on Instagram, rip someone to shreds, then go on their merry way home.

I have found more love, whimsy, and exuberance in the Brunswick Hotel karaoke room at 1am than I have at overly curated social events designed to form a sense of community. Call it a hot take, I do not expect anyone to agree with me, but that is the truth of it.

I also feel that niche styles of self-expression have been made overly accessible through social media to those who otherwise would never have been interested in any of the cultural groundwork it took to reach and build those styles and has such resulted in a mass lack of authenticity and genuine individualism. I don’t want to be too much of a hater – of course, wear what makes you feel confident in yourself so on and so forth, but I feel that if it weren’t for social media everybody would be dressing and expressing themselves in wildly different ways that are perhaps more authentic to their little mind goblins. Bring back being yourself! Bring back having an opinion that isn’t grounded in media consumption! Bring back being friends and lovers with people in a way that isn’t so shallow and performative! Bring back being genuinely interested in someones character, flaws and all! Be gone parasocial relationships!

In a similar vein, I feel that social media has made us all believe that life is some sort of optimization program, and we must all be doing something all the time. Bring back doing nothing. Bring back not knowing what the hell everyone else is doing. It has gotten so bad that even the concept of resetting, resting and recharging has been marketed and sold back to us with an expectation of productivity.

Every now and again we all realise that we are part of the problem, which totally sucks, but it is a duty of friendship to hold your mates to a standard and help them correct their actions and learn and do better, rather than exile and expect them to get better on their own. I’m all for a bit of public shaming but do you remember how heavy guilt can weigh on people? Remember what a little bit of relief feels like? It feels like a lot, and it’s nice to offer it when the circumstance is right.

I am currently not normal-cool enough to feel comfortable in the trendy places but am also not enough of a freak to cherish that community either. Just the worst of both worlds – pure liminality, strange unrelatable coworker, and bizarre online mutual to all. Bring back neutrality.

Remember, if we were all the same and agreed on absolutely everything, this world would be boring as batshit. Not caring if people think you are a bit thick or loud or embarrassing is a huge life hack. Recognising and accepting that at times you ARE a bit thick, loud and embarrassing is an even BIGGER lifehack, but the point of community is to take care of each other because we are all a bit thick loud and embarrassing. It’s all good.